e-ARC, 304 pages
Release Date: April 30, 2024
Published by: Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers
Read from: April 24-27, 2024
Stand-alone
Source: Netgalley (I received a copy of this e-book from the publisher and Netgalley in exchange for a just and honest review. This did nothing to influence my review.)
Content Warning: Death of a sibling (By suicide), Suicidal ideation, Depression, Death, Child Death, Death
For Readers Interested In: Realistic Fiction, YA, Literary, Mental Health Rep (Depression)A teen girl searches for closure after her brother dies by suicide in this breathtaking novel from the author of Learning to Breathe and Facing the Sun .
Karmen is about to start her last year of high school, but it’s only been six weeks since her brother, Julian, died by suicide. How is she supposed to focus on school when huge questions Why is Julian gone? How could she have missed seeing his pain? Could she have helped him?
When a blowup at school gets Karmen sent home for a few weeks, life gets more things between her parents are tenser than ever, her best friend’s acting like a stranger, and her search to understand why Julian died keeps coming up empty.
New friend Pru both baffles and comforts Karmen, and there might finally be something happening with her crush, Isaiah, but does she have time for either, or are they just more distractions? Will she ever understand Julian’s struggle and tragedy? If not, can she love—and live—again?
*MY THOUGHTS*
This is a hard one to review. On the one hand there are some things that I don’t like, but it might have been because I related to them too much.I haven’t decided which one that is yet. But overall, this was a hard book to get through, but it was also necessary.
The depression in this one was done so well. While I do not have depression, it had some of he same symptoms that my mom shows. And the way everyone around her was shown as well. It was so accurate to have a friend like reading books or doing things trying to figure out how to act around them. Even if it is the wrong thing, it’s what we thought of because nothing else was working. And the way she was pushing everyone away, was also accurate. It hurt to read, but it was so accurate. And I didn’t even lose a sibling.
The way she handled her grief tho just wasn’t healthy. And I know when you have depression that’s not something you think of, so I was glad that she finally talked with her therapist and got all those feelings out. Because that running out to where her brother had been and then going to meet someone who was deceiving her, was just a lot. She needed some real guidance. I was glad when she finally started giving her therapist some words and understanding.
The writing style of this was so good, but it was so heavy. And it seemed like it was trying to do some kind of like mystery where she was finding out why he did what he did, but I appreciated that there wasn’t really an answer. She got some answers to her questions, but nothing real. None of his own words, it was all just speculation. I was annoyed by that at first, but something the therapist said made so much sense, “sometimes we don’t always know.” Which is absolutely true. We might not ever find out the why these things happen, and when we do know, it doesn’t change anything. And it hurt to get her to realize that.
This book wasn’t what I was expecting, but it was more than I expected. Does that make sense? I thought it was going to show her trying to find out more info about her brother and showing what her mom and dad were going through, but what I got instead was her learning about herself, growing, and understanding and navigating her own grief. That’s not a small thing for anyone, let alone a teen. I was so proud of her by the time I finished this book!
Overall, I give this
