e-Audio, 09:21:03
Narrated by: Racquel Marie & Robb Moreira
Release Date: June 4, 2024
Published by: Recorded Books, Inc. (Feiwel and Friends)
Read from: June 17-18, 2024
Stand-alone
Source: Library’s Libby
Content Warning: off-page teenage boy’s death by suicide (method is never disclosed), grief over loved one who died by suicide, grief over paternal death by car accident, intrusive thoughts and behaviors fueled by obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), panic attacks, anxiety, morbid ideation, discussions of suicidal ideation and depression, absent/neglectful parents, off-page grandfather injury (fall without serious complications), off-page teenage sex, underage drinking and intoxication, smoking, discussions of teenage pregnancy and motherhood, side plot emotionally abusive relationship, mild violence (main character punching a side character), mild injury (hurt hand from punching) –from the author’s website
For Readers Interested In: Realistic Fiction, Racial/Ethnic Diversity (Laine), Mental Health Rep (Grief), 2sLGBTQ+, Neurodiversity (OCD),Perfect for fans of Nina LaCour, This is Me Trying is a profound and tender YA contemporary novel exploring grief, love, and guilt from author Racquel Marie. Growing up, Bryce, Beatriz, and Santiago were inseparable. But when Santiago moved away before high school, their friendship crumbled. Three years later, Bryce is gone, Beatriz is known as the dead boy’s girlfriend, and Santiago is back. The last thing Beatriz wants is to reunite with Santiago, who left all her messages unanswered while she drowned alone in grief over Bryce’s death by suicide. Even if she wasn’t angry, Santiago’s attempts to make amends are jeopardizing her plan to keep the world at arm’s length–equal parts protection and punishment–and she swore to never let anyone try that again. Santiago is surprised to find the once happy-go-lucky Bea is now the gothic town loner, though he’s unsurprised she wants nothing to do with him. But he can’t fix what he broke between them while still hiding what led him to cut her off in the first place, and it’s harder to run from his past when he isn’t states away anymore. Inevitably drawn back together by circumstance and history, Beatriz and Santiago navigate grief, love, mental illness, forgiveness, and what it means to try to build a future after unfathomable loss.
*MY THOUGHTS*
I’m going to keep this short because I already know I’m the Black sheep. And that’s ok. My feelings are valid too. I still liked it, but I just didn’t feel like I felt as much as I should have if that makes sense.
Ok so what do I mean by that? I saw so many reviews saying they cried and they were so upset, but I was just annoyed. I have such a hard time with open endings, and this was an interesting concept, an open beginning. We don’t really know much of anything about the before, like why Santi moved, why he told someone else, who was the girlfriend, etc. Things aren’t really explained until later on in the story. And even then we get like a little information at a time. Idk, but that was weird to me. I like to have the information and then figure things out on my own. The whole beginning I just kept wondering why she was so mean and I was making up my own story.
So I guess that’s why when we started getting the actual info I just didn’t feel too much of anything. I wasn’t completely invested if that makes sense. I was more just like validating or proving wrong what I assumed would happen. And that just didn’t work for this type of book. I wasn’t invested in everything else. I was sorry that they had lost someone yes, and I was sad that they were experiencing grief, but I was also a bit annoyed that they wanted other people to be like accepting of their grief, but they weren’t accepting of each other’s. Idk it was weird to me.
I did like the rep tho. And the writing style as usual was good. Even though I wasn’t enjoying it like her others, I didn’t think it was bad. Just not as strong as her others. I will most definitely read her next ones too. I didn’t really feel as strong about this one, but it was still good enough for me to finish it that makes sense. There is also a lot of rep in here. Santi is bisexual and Bea said she identified as queer or pan. Love to see pan rep, we don’t get to see it enough. And I think I’ve only mostly seen it in Racquel’s books. So please, if you like this or you like her books, don’t take my word for it, read them anyway. ESPECIALLY if you need the rep that she provides. (On the flip side, I am not queer, so please take this rep discussion with a grain of salt. I am not at liberty to say whether it was accurate or not)
This was such a weird review to write. Normally when I read something on this subject I’m normally reading in tears, and writing the review in tears. This just wasn’t the case this time. It was unfortunate, but it was still ok. I didn’t hate it.
Overall, I give this
